Life Work Balance

I used to think this meant that one could actually achieve a life work balance on a daily basis. I have come to realize that one can not. What this really means is that one week you focus on work and the next on life. Or sometimes a few weeks or months at a time and then a switch. At least for me, it is NOT possible to have it all. Whomever planted that seed into my mind that it was possible (and that may very well have been just myself) wasn't telling the truth! Life is not about finding a balance on a daily basis between life and work. Instead, life is about trying to find a balance that keeps you no more than halfway sane and life one fourth manageable. It seems like such a little goal to get to but in reality it takes all I have to just try and hit those marks some of the time. I don't think it is because I am doing something wrong. Instead, I think it is because this is really all one has time for. You think about all the things that have to be done each week - laundry, kids get to school with clean clothes and a healthy lunch, I get to work with clean clothes (sometimes they were wrinkled), kids get a bath every other day or so, dinner of some variety is eaten each night, teeth brushed and flossed daily, sometimes the dishwasher gets unloaded - and then add in the things that I like to do or need to do for my sanity - exercising, catching up with friends, paying bills, trying to focus on the important things, taking moments for myself - and when you do so you realize that it takes up more time than there are hours in the week IF you also want to sleep! Staying no more than halfway sane and life one fourth manageable is what you are left with. This should be the definition of a Life Work Balance. This is mine and I hope that I am not alone in that feeling. Until later...
-Lawyer by Day and Mommy by Night

Motherhood and Society

The whole concept of my blog is the balance of work and family life, of having one hat on by day and wearing another at night. But there are not distinct roles. One doesn't exist for 8 hours and be put aside for the remainder of the day. And motherhood isn't set aside during the 8 or so hours I am a lawyer, either. And lately it seems that the two are intertwining but not in the way one would expect. I haven't had a lot of sick children or daycare issues or bringing kids to work. I haven't had to work on cases that hit to close to home. Instead, lately I've realized more and more that my opinions and views as a mother, wife, and a woman in general do matter more in my life as a lawyer that I would ever have thought during law school. I realize that I am beginning to view the cases I see and the work I'm involved with the eyes of what type of world I want my children to grow up in. Even more than that, I am realizing that there are certain opinions that I hold strongly on a personal level, due to the opinions and beliefs I want my children raised to uphold, that I need to express more openly at work. These are the things you do not learn in law school. Over the last several months, I have realized that I need to become more proactive about trying to impress to the world around me things I feel strongly about. Too long I have become complacent with status quo and not stood firmly in things I believe strongly about. These are not the actions I would want my children to do. And, thus, this is not how I should behave either. These are not large issues, these are small things that mostly go unnoticed to most people. They are not, though, any less important. Perhaps it was the recent boycotting by 300 or so nursing mothers in a Georgia town that somehow tried to outlaw nursing your child over a certain age by County Ordinance that was the jumpstart to my realization to stand up more for what I believe in. Perhaps it was just one of many things. Nevertheless, I feel motivated now to stand up for my opinions much more fervently.Unfortunately, I heard of it too late to to stand beside those women with them. If I had heard of it before, though, I would gladly have taken a vacation day and my own daughter down to show my support. Nursing is something I believe strongly in. Very strongly. As in still nursing a 20 month old strongly. World Health Organization recommends it until 2 years of age. Recently, my daughter has shown indications of possible weaning soon but if she doesn't wean on her own, I don't have a problem with nursing at the 2 year mark. Literally no one else in my life -close friends, family, or work - agrees with me. But that doesn't matter to me. And it shouldn't matter to me, either. I should stand up for what I believe, regardless of the popularity of the opinion. That's what I'd expect of my children. It's not just nursing in public (which by the way is allowed by state-wide Georgia law) that I have strong opinions about. I have some specific strong opinions and stances on other topics/issues/situations that have come up in my professional world lately. It's time to take a stand when something offensive is said/done, whether it is an personal attack or and inadvertent comment. Maybe it is easiest to say all of this here, on a blog that I doubt anyone reads anyway. But maybe, just maybe if I post this on this blog, post a link on facebook and then do what I say I believe when the next situation arises, perhaps then I'll have some hope of at least imparting upon my world severe food for thought, if not an actual change. So be it then! Let this Lawyer by Day and Mommy by Night truly show the world that I am giving my children the example in all situations of what I'd want them to say and how I'd want them to act. Until later...

-Lawyer by Day and Mommy by Night

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Today my daughter turns one year old! I can't believe it. I don't know where the time has gone. I also can't believe how much she has grown. She is just about walking and is eating all kinds of table foods. She doesn't talk much - says bye and mama (but not Mommy) and that is about it. She definitely understands a lot, though. She tries to get herself dressed - especially socks, shoes, and pants. She climbs everywhere - including inside the toilet once! She's tall for her age. She loves her brother very much. I can't believe that one year ago today I was still pregnant with her. I went into labor about 3:30 am and she was born at 1:37 pm. It has been a long year but one I have enjoyed with my daughter very much. I love her smile and how she loves her brother. I love how much she enjoys life to the fullest. She likes to move and explore. She loves to eat (and can eat a lot). She likes to "read" books and listen to music. She can "dance" to music while following the beat. She likes thanking baths. She loves her Daddy and she's pretty fond of her Mommy too (if I do say so myself!). I love watching her grow and learn and explore. I hope she grows up to be a happy person and enjoys life to the fullest and finds happiness in a career, in love, and in all things she does. Love you bunches baby girl. Happy Birthday Paleigh Anne. Until later...
-Lawyer by Day and Mommy by Night

Vacation 2010

Our family (the four of us plus my Mom and Dad) are wrapping up our vacation. We rented a condo for 10 days in Daytona Beach Shores and we've had a great time! The condo is beautiful. It is nicely decorated and it's on the 9th floor in a corner unit so we have some great views of both the ocean and the inter-coastal waterway. Basically there is about 270 degree view or so. The kids have had fun here. Paleigh enjoyed the sand and water and Riley likes to dig in the sand and play in the pool and hot tub. We rode bikes down to the end of the island one day, rode bikes short distances other days, and took several walks. We ate at our favorite restaurants a few times. Tony and I even took Riley to lunch at the restaurant on the nearby pier (he called it a bridge). He liked eating up high and seeing out the windows. It has turned out to be a really great trip. Wish we could win the lottery and not have to return to work but that would require playing first at least! I can't believe that when we return it will be about a week and a half until my little girl turns one year old! I don't know where the time went but I do know that she didn't sleep the year away! She is still not a great sleeper - only sleeps through the night every other night or every third night. There hasn't been a single week in her entire life that she's slept through the night every night of the week. You do learn to survive but it is getting really old. I joked with my mother today that I hope she'll sleep through the night soon or else she'll be in kindergarten and we won't be able to go through the carpool line 'cause each day we'll have to walk her into school so we can tell the teacher what mood to expect her in based on how long she slept the night before! She is a great napper - usually at least one long nap a day, at least 3 hours long but it can go longer to 4 or 5 hours. In fact, almost every day on this trip she'll gotten in her 3 hour nap while someone waited in the room on her. She had one almost 5 hour nap this week and at least one 4 hour nap as well. Anyway, I hope everyone else had a great week 'cause we certainly did. Time to go, gotta get up early and finish packing. Until later....
-Lawyer by Day and Mommy by Night

Sad Week

Last week was very sad. My friend whose daughter had cancer died on Thursday morning at 2:30 am. My friend's posts on facebook/the caringbridge website were very sad last week. At the beginning of the week she posted that her daughter had been sleeping since the weekend. Then there was a post about her temperature being down to 91, slowed heartbeat and congestion in her lungs. She posted on caringbridge within an hour of the little girl's passing that she died in my friend and her husband's bed. Apparently both parents held her hands as she took her last breaths and the little girl squeezed her daddy's fingers right before she took her last breath as if to let him know everything was okay. This was very, very sad. Though we were not close friends growing up, I went to school with her from kindergarten to high school graduation. I can not imagine what it is like to go through what they went through. I held my own babies tight all week long and cried many, many nights last week. I thought a lot about my friend and prayed for them often. I woke up many times during the night on several nights last week thinking about my friend. My own son came to my bed at 1:30 the night the little girl died and asked to sleep with me. I immediately thought of my friend and prayed for her as I let my son into my bed. In the morning I learned that the little girl died an hour after my own son came to my room. So sad to think that as I was sleeping with and holding my children (the baby was in the bed at that point too due to nursing), my friend was holding her youngest daughter for the last time and was up informing people of her daughter's death - posting on the caringbridge website about the girl's death within an hour of her passing. Her celebration of life service was Saturday. It was a beautiful service with many, many people there. There was a reception afterwards to visit with the family and there were many, many beautiful pictures of her daughter. Such a beautiful little girl. I hope never, ever to have to plan a funeral service for a child. A parent, grandparent, and spouse is something you know that eventually you will have to plan a funeral for. But for a child it should never, ever happen. I hope that faith will sustain my friend and her family through this difficult time. I hope this week will not bring any sad news. It is late and I should get some sleep before the baby wakes up to eat. Until later...
-Lawyer by Day and Mommy by Night

Winter Conference 2010

Last week I went the PACGA (prosecuting attorney's council of georgia) Winter Conference 2010. It was at Callaway Gardens. I drove down Wednesday with my boss and a co-worker (Boss drove - explains why we were late). Hubby and the kids joined me Wednesday night and stayed the rest of the conference. Hubby took Thursday and Friday off and took the kids to Callaway while I learned how to be a prosecutor. ***** Callaway is offering free admission to anyone through the end of February************ So it was a nice, inexpensive little trip for all of us. This conference is a perfect example of the struggle to be a lawyer and a mom, especially a nursing mom. I didn't initially have a fridge in my room so being that I have to store valuable milk I had to call and get one delivered. Had to put up the privacy sign at 6 pm while making milk so the fridge delivery guy wouldn't walk in. Co-workers had to wait on me for dinner Wednesday so I could pump since there were no available breaks that afternoon for me to do so. Thursday I pumped at the two 15 minute breaks in the restroom 'cause my room was too far away to walk to and pump there. This meant I was using a manual pump in a stall since no stalls I have found ever have outlets in them! Since my daughter really doesn't like the bottle and thus only drinks the minimum amount (and sometimes refuses a third bottle during the day), I was able to pump more than she drank that day! I used a little bit more than 15 minutes at each break but when you are a lawyer (or any job) by day and mommy by night, you gotta do what you gotta do! The guy that delivered the fridge probably had no idea I was storing milk in it - since so many lawyers were there he probably thought I was buying beer or wine and keeping it in there. After all, when a co-worker went to the local package store, they told her that they had really stocked up when they learned all these attorneys were coming to town! And on Thursday night when everyone else went back to their rooms to take a nap or change into workout clothes and hit the gym, I was calling my husband on his cell to let him know that I was on my way right then since I just got a text asking me when I was coming back or did he need to heat a bottle?! And these are just the stories about me being a Mom to my youngest at the conference. Then there is the oldest one. He is into Thomas the Train A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!! AS IN ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! We get it on the ON Demand channel at home. No such channel exist at Callaway. First words out of his mouth when he arrived at the hotel room - I want to watch Thomas on Mommy's TV! So I kept repeating for 2 1/2 days, we will watch Thomas as soon as we get home! Of course, he was asleep when he got home at 9 pm Friday! But we sure did watch it first thing Saturday morning - first words out of his mouth saturday morning as he came to my side of the bed - I need to watch Thomas! Gotta love that little boy!!!!!! I am sure that no one else at the conference (at least from my office) spent their last break on Friday running back to the hotel room to change 2 diapers so hubby could finish loading the car. During the entire conference, I learned about being a prosecutor - how its great, what we should try to accomplish, how to do it, war stories, etc. - but not a single thing about balancing work and family life or work and non-work life. No stories about circuits that have created in house daycare centers. No stories about take your child to work day. No stories about Judges making inappropriate comments about your water breaking on their carpet while you are pregnant. Yes, I enjoy being a prosecutor, I find traffic court very interesting (after all my senior thesis in college was The Evolution of Traffic Management Systems and the Development of Traffic Engineering), I love my profession and I never would want to stop being a lawyer, BUT there is nothing, nothing more enjoyable than seeing your kids face light up with excitement! Sometimes it is because you came home, sometimes it is because they get to watch Thomas, sometimes it is the Christmas tree you decorated for their room, or seeing a picture of their baby sister, whatever it is, there is nothing more enjoyable than seeing your child full of excitement. One day I may retire and stop being a lawyer but I will never, ever stop being a Mommy. It's late and I better get to sleep while I can. Until then...
-Lawyer by Day and Mommy by Night

Still Sleepless in Canton!

It's been over 6 weeks since my first post about sleepless in Canton and things have improved a little but not much. She has started to sleep a little longer in her crib at a time but it varies and is not consistent. Friday and Saturday night she slept about 6 hours each night in her crib and we were excited things this was the start of a new trend. But it wasn't! It was a fluke. 'Cause it was only 3 hours the next night and less last night. Sometimes I think she gets cold but mostly I can't pinpoint her lack of sleeping to anything in particular - except her personality! She will still sleep beside us but still wakes up then too and we don't sleep too well when she is there with us. We are about at the point that Riley started sleeping through the night fulltime so we are getting really tired. And Riley didn't have a problem going back to sleep in his crib or cradle after getting up so we were not as tired with him. We can always be hopeful that better sleeping is in store soon but I am not overly hopeful.
On another note, we had a good Christmas and a great New Year. Lots and lots of presents were opened and most were pretty cool. Though we had a 2 year old and a 4 year old that were tired and whiny on Christmas (nephew is the 4 year old), I think everyone had a good time. And New Years was very, very relaxing. I hope everyone else enjoyed the same.
The downside to New Years, though, was more sad news for my friend and her little girl with the cancer. They went in December to St. Judes for a Clinical Trial and arrived back from that right before Christmas. Between Christmas and New Years, they had to be inpatient at Childrens Healthcare in Atlanta for fevers. They were still in the hospital and couldn't return to St. Judes right after the first of the year like they had planned. So they did a catscan here at Childrens and discoverd that the tumor had spread everywhere in 3 weeks. My friend and her husband made the hardest decision that a parent has to make and decided to end treatment for their daughter. They took her home on hospice care the first week of January. The little girl was given 4-6 weeks to live. My friend and her family have been in my thoughts and prayers constantly. Last weekend we had a snowfall here in Canton and some pretty bad icy conditions. We got to play in the snow with Riley - his first real time playing in the snow. I hope my friend did the same with her child. I can not imagine how it feels to know that your child is dying and that there is nothing you can do. She might not make it to her 2nd birthday. I guess you would take one day at a time. You are never, ever prepared as a parent to bury your child. I pray that God gives them the strength to handle this.
Anyway, that is a re-cap for the last 6 weeks or so of our selves. Oh, I am back at work now - been back 2 weeks now. Paleigh is taking bottles of my milk while I am at work but she fights it and is not happy about it. Just another part of having to be a Lawyer (or any type of working person) by Day and Mommy by Night. Until then...
-Lawyer by Day and Mommy by Night